End of Day #7

Today was a day of frustrations - busy day at work, constantly dwelling on my weight increase and hoping I stick to this diet plan.

I understand how weird I must sound to some of you - but I constantly obsess and at times, blow small things out of proportion. Yes, it is just three measly pounds I gained while on a weight-LOSS program - I fucking get it.

But it is a failure in my mind - finicky weight or not - I failed to lose weight day by day.

Overall - I do see improvement in my body posture, how I feel when I sit down for extended periods of time and most importantly, I do not feel hungry all the time. A couple weeks ago I would have devoured an entire Domino's medium pizza on my own, today I get full after I eat my small portions of Nutrisystem. 

I know I am going to get through this - I am waiting to see how much more weight I am going to drop because I am anxious. Anxiety is very destructive in my life - it has been something I have dealt with since I was old enough to understand what it was and the effect is has on me. I have to constantly tell myself to "keep my cool" just to avoid getting sick.

But I am anxious about this weight loss program - like so many out there - I want the instant gratification. I know deep down this will take time (1-2 years) for full objectives to be had, but I want it NOW! NOW! NOW!

I can exercise until I pass out, I can keep close to my caloric intake and if I still do not see a change in weight - then something is wrong.

#fuckconstipation

For dinner last night I had mac & cheese again with added black and cayenne pepper, dessert was a chocolate caramel bar and some turkey jerky.

Total Calorie Intake for Wednesday, January 22, 2014: 1,007.